Butthead’s Beat: ‘Porcupine’ a festive treat

Dear family,

We are serving porcupine for Christmas and this is an open invitation to join us again for a really fun holiday… no quills attached.

(To all up-country friends, you will have to wait in the queue for a bed, but you are most welcome to find your own accommodation and party too.)

There is absolutely NO excuse NOT to visit granny and grandpa as usual. We are told there WILL be water, unlike last year when our district municipal workers went on strike because they wanted to be paid out for ‘death and disability’.

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By the way, we know they weren’t dead or disabled because some of them actually sabotaged water systems, creating havoc. It’s difficult to do that if you are dead and anyone disabled would find it hard to wield a pick to puncture a pipe or turn off a valve in some remote, bushy area.

There’s no guarantee, of course, but the same applies wherever one goes on holiday these days. At least the South Coast does have water to distribute, unlike the Southern and Western Cape where residents are still thirsty due to drought.

It’s enough to drive one to drink… more beer! (Heh, heh.)

Anyway, we have already stocked up on gammon, turkey, lamb, chicken and a selection of braai meat. Just remember that if we are left alone to scoff everything before it goes off, you will all have to chip in for funeral costs a little earlier than you expected.

Grandpa’s cholesterol levels are already high (don’t talk about his gout) and granny is watching her figure as usual. The cats prefer tinned fish so they can’t help with leftovers.

It’s going to be so much fun with all of you here. As you all know, we have a selection of seven Blue Flag beaches to visit. Just remember to bring shoes for the children as the festive season crowds become a bit raucous at times and tend to miss the bins when it comes to discarding ’empties’.

Don’t worry about seasonal tummy bugs, we still have plenty of ‘muti’ from last year when you guys went swimming in the Uvongo lagoon.

The novelty this year is going to be a… ‘porcupine’.

No, not the animal, but a watermelon bristling with bottles of white rum, gin, vodka, triple sec and tequila. Store in freezer overnight and eat in swimming pool. One piece will make this a very, very, very merry Christmas.

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by Bevis Fairbrother

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